


lost in the light

by suituuup



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/F, Friendship, Minor Character Death, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suituuup/pseuds/suituuup
Summary: Recently widowed, Chloe finds out about life changing news.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 208





	lost in the light

The sun is bright, its rays creeping through the leafy branches of the oak tree standing tall and majestic over Chloe. 

She’s not sure how long she’s been staring at her husband’s headstone; enough to have no more tears left to shed. Her eyes hurt, bloodshot and puffy, and her feet ache from standing all day in those heels, but she can’t bring herself to go home. 

Can’t bring herself to face how utterly empty and void of any warmth the house is going to feel, without him there. 

An array of homemade meals cover her dinner table when she does make it back sometime later, but Chloe’s not hungry. After changing out of her black dress and into her pj’s -- Noah’s college sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants, she takes the bottle of rum from the liquor cabinet and takes a long swig straight from it, plopping down on the couch. She puts on the first reality show she finds to fill the suffocating silence, and drinks herself to sleep. 

Over the next few days, she manages to take care of everything administrative, as well as write thank-you notes to the people who attended, all the while feeling like a semblance of herself. She cries herself to sleep every night, waking up each morning with the suffocating hope that this was all a nightmare, that Noah is out on his run and will be back soon to make her breakfast like he used to do every morning. 

She’s forcing herself to eat something for lunch one day, a week after the funeral, when her phone pings with a new email. The name of the sender makes her pause mid-bite, and she reaches over to unlock her phone and open it up. 

_From: Beca Mitchell_

_Hey Chlo. I’m sorry to do this via email, but I didn’t have your current phone number to call you. I could have asked Aubrey but I wasn’t even sure you’d feel like talking. Which… would be understandable._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral. I wanted to, but my boss pulled some crap about a last minute meeting with the label president, I couldn’t opt out._

_Anyway, I know we haven’t really talked in a few years, but I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you, and if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to reach out. I mean that._

_Here’s my phone number: 646-280-5849_

_Beca_

Chloe sets her phone back down, puffing out a breath. She and Beca haven’t really been in touch since Chloe’s wedding. Though they both live in New York, neither has taken the time to meet in person in the last few years. Not that it was intentional, at least on Chloe’s end. Life just got in the way, and they were both so busy that weekly messages became more scarce, until they eventually stopped. It’s always been one of Chloe’s regrets, to let one of the best friendships she’s known slip away without doing anything about it. 

She opens the email a few weeks later once she feels relatively okay to step outside and see people, clicks on Beca’s phone number and opens up a new text thread. 

**_Chloe_ **

_Hi. It’s Chloe. Are you free to grab coffee this weekend?_

Beca’s reply is almost instant. 

**_Beca_ **

_Hey. Yeah, for sure. Saturday around 2?_

They agree on a place not far from Chloe’s apartment. Chloe is running five minutes late even though she forwent make-up, dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple sweater as she steps inside the café. She spots Beca at a corner table and walks over. 

“Hi,” she greets quietly, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. 

“Hey Chlo,” Beca replies, pushing to her feet and enveloping Chloe into a loose hug after a beat of hesitation. Chloe melts into it, holding on for a few seconds longer. “How--um, shit. I wanna ask how you are but that’s kind of a dumb question.” 

“It’s okay,” Chloe murmurs as she sits down, setting her purse on her lap. “It’s tough, but I gotta push through, right?” A lump lodges itself in her throat, but Chloe made a deal with herself before leaving the house that she wouldn’t cry. “So um, how have you been?” 

They catch up over the next hour, and Beca invites Chloe over for dinner the following week. It’s almost scary how easily they fall back into their friendship as though they never went out of touch, and it helps Chloe tremendously, to have someone as loyal as Beca to lean on. 

Especially when Chloe gets shocking news six weeks after Noah’s death. 

Two pink lines. 

She doesn’t know what to feel in the moment, out of joy, sadness, fear and excitement. Probably a little piece of all four, but what she’s sure of, is that she already loves that baby with everything she has, and that she’ll do her best to make them happy and safe, even on her own. 

Beca agrees to come with her to the doctor's appointment, offering her hand to hold once Chloe settles on the exam table. The second she hears the steady thumping of the baby’s heartbeat, Chloe breaks down, unable to escape the nagging thought that it could have been perfect, had Noah been the one by her side. 

  
  


The black and white ultrasound photo of Peanut, as Chloe affectionately named her baby, goes up on the fridge next to her favorite picture of her and her husband, a goofy selfie she snapped while on their second date five years ago. 

The pain and longing remain as weeks go by, but the pregnancy somehow helps Chloe through her grief. Knowing she has to nurture this baby -- a part of her and Noah -- so it can grow healthily keeps her going on tough mornings where getting out of bed seems near impossible. 

She sees Beca several times a week, and they call each other whenever Beca is in LA for work. 

_“How’s Peanut doing?”_

“Peanut passed their twenty-week check with flying colors,” Chloe replies with a beaming smile, holding up the ultrasound picture so Beca can see. “Looks much more like a baby now.”

_“Oh wow, yeah. Can I still call them that though?”_

Chloe chuckles, setting the photo down and resting her hand over her growing baby bump. “Sure. How’s LA?” 

Beca shrugs. _“It’s okay. I miss you guys, though.”_

Chloe’s heart flutters at that. Beca has been nothing short of amazing over those last three months, helping Chloe out with whatever she needed while seemingly being careful not to become too overbearing. “We miss you too, Auntie Beca.” 

_“Auntie?”_

There’s a definite waver in Beca’s voice that makes Chloe smile. 

“Well, yeah. Of course. You and all the girls.” 

Beca grins. _“Auntie Beca. That sounds pretty cool.”_

“I think so, too.” She stifles a yawn. “I think Peanut and I are heading to bed. We’ll see you next Friday?”

Beca nods. _“Can’t wait. Night, Chlo. Night Peanut.”_

Beca helps her paint the nursery a mint green when she gets back, insisting Chloe shouldn’t even _think_ about getting up on a ladder. She also gives Chloe a hand with putting the furniture together when it gets to Chloe’s apartment. 

“Damn those swedes,” Beca swears under her breath as she sits on the floor, surrounded by the unassembled crib. “They make it look so easy when it’s clearly not.” 

Chloe giggles, glancing back to the assembling notice. “Oh, I think I know where we messed up.” 

She’s met with a soft glare. “You said that two minutes ago, Beale.” 

It’s past eight when they finally manage to put the goddamn thing together, and Chloe orders pizza, which they eat on the nursery floor. 

“Peanut better appreciate the hell out of their nursery,” Beca mutters as she lifts her beer bottle to take a swig. “ ‘Cause Auntie Beca nearly lost her sanity over it.” 

Chloe chuckles, rubbing her bulging stomach over the denim of her overalls. “I can’t believe there’s gonna be a baby in here in less than three months.” 

Beca’s expression softens. “You’re going to make an awesome mom, Chlo.” 

“Thanks.” Chloe musters a smile, though it doesn’t exactly reach her eyes. Tears rise before she can stop them. That suffocating pain is back, pressing heavily on her chest. “It’s weird to think I’m going to be doing this without Noah,” she croaks out. 

“Chlo…” Beca shuffles closer, wrapping an arm around Chloe. “I know. It’s not how things were supposed to go.” 

Chloe shakes her head as she leans into Beca’s side, choking on a sob. “I _miss_ him.” 

Beca doesn’t say anything, but Chloe doesn’t need her to. She rubs her back and presses a kiss to Chloe’s hair, and that alone brings Chloe some comfort. 

“You won’t be on your own, okay?” She murmurs after a little while. “I know it definitely doesn’t compare, but I’ll be here, and so will Aubrey.” 

“I know,” Chloe mumbles once she’s more or less regained her composure. “And I’m really grateful for you guys. I don’t know how I would have coped through it all if it wasn’t for you two.” 

A soft kick makes her gasp, and she takes Beca’s hand to place it on the spot she felt it by her belly button. The baby kicks again, and her teary eyes find Beca’s as she glances up. 

“Wow,” Beca breathes, a disbelieving chuckle flitting past her lips. “A future soccer player you got there.” 

Chloe giggles, sniffling as she wipes her tears away with a swipe of her thumb. “As long as they don’t kick my bladder, I’m fine with that.” 

Shortly after she hits 30 weeks, Chloe is taken to the hospital after fainting at the grocery store. While the baby is fine after they check on an ultrasound, Chloe’s blood pressure is still too high, and her doctor puts her on bed rest for the next four weeks. 

“You didn’t have to leave work to rush here,” Chloe says as she slides into bed back at her apartment, clad in shorts and a t-shirt. 

“Don’t worry about it, it actually gave me an excuse to flee the bored as fuck meeting I was stuck in.” Beca winks as she sits on the side of the bed. She sobers up, covering Chloe’s hand with her own. “You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I scared myself, too,” Chloe admits as she rubs her belly with her free hand. “But we’re okay.” 

Beca nods. “Yeah, thank god.” She leans forward to talk directly to Chloe’s bump. “Listen up Peanut, your mommy needs you to stay warm in there for at least another few weeks, alright? So you can grow big and strong. Deal?” 

“You’re such a dork,” Chloe murmurs with a chuckle, though her heart swells from how affectionate Beca is when it comes to her baby. Chloe’s never witnessed Beca Mitchell being so soft before, and it’s still odd to see. 

Beca rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You better never catch it on film and ruin my badass rep.” 

“Your what now?” Chloe can’t help but tease. 

“Bite me, Beale,” she mutters, softening a beat later. “I’m gonna order dinner. Anything specific you’re craving?” 

Chloe hums. “Pickles and peanut butter. That’s why I was at the grocery store, ‘cause I’m out.”

“Weirdo,” Beca snickers, pushing to her feet. “I’ll go down to the store and get some.” 

“You’re the best!” Chloe calls out after her. 

Later that night, Chloe asks her if she doesn’t mind staying in her guest bedroom, and Beca says she was going to offer but was afraid of imposing herself. She ends up staying for the whole month, putting the last touches to the nursery and entertaining Chloe to the best of her abilities whenever she’s not at work. 

Chloe doesn’t know when the line between platonic and romantic feelings for Beca start to blur. Maybe the time she wakes up to Beca spooning her after they’ve fallen asleep to a movie in her bed, or that time she catches Beca telling Peanut about their first win at the ICCA’s when Beca thinks she’s asleep. 

Instant guilt floods her, her thoughts flashing to Noah. She lost him less than a year ago, she can’t have feelings for someone _else_. 

It feels too soon, and just plain _wrong_. 

So she buries it. It’s probably nothing anyway. Just her pregnancy hormones that have her heart acting up, or something.

“I don’t get it,” Beca mumbles, waving her spoon towards the screen. “Why are Brooke and Peyton fighting over the dude if he’s such an ass?” 

Chloe giggles; they’ve been binging _One Tree Hill_ over the last week, Beca being on break from work over the holidays. “Because he’s attractive, probably.” 

Beca rolls her eyes at that. “I can’t believe I agreed to watch this shit.” 

“It’s because you _loooove_ me,” Chloe teases. 

“Shut up.”

Her baby decides to come into the world two weeks early. Even though Chloe’s no longer on bed rest, Beca stuck around, much to her relief. When her water breaks in the middle of the night, she’s considerably less freaked out than she would have been on her own. 

“Bag, jacket, keys,” Beca lists off as she moves around the living room collecting those items while Chloe stands by the door, breathing hard after a contraction. “Ready?” 

Chloe’s head bobs up and down. “Mhm, yep.” 

Her labor lasts forever, but thankfully Beca is by her side through it all. Her daughter is born at 9pm, and Chloe feels an unparalleled surge of unconditional love burst through her as this tiny, wailing baby is laid onto her chest. 

“Oh my goodness,” she chokes out, pressing a kiss to the wisp of dark hair -- _Noah’s --_ on top of her daughter’s head. The newborn settles as she recognizes Chloe’s voice and smell. “Hi, baby girl. Mama loves you so, _so_ much.” 

She registers Beca taking a picture, but can’t even take her eyes away from the tiny wonder in her arms. 

“What’s her name, mama?” The nurse asks a minute later as she stands by Chloe’s side. 

“Abigail,” Chloe states without hesitation as more tears spill down her cheeks. Her heart squeezes with sadness; it was one of Noah’s favorite names if they ever had a girl. “Abigail June Matthews.” 

Abigail is cleaned up, weighed and measured, then swaddled and taken back to Chloe.

“Wanna hold her?” She asks much later once she’s back in her private room, glancing at Beca. 

Beca’s eyes pop wider. “Sure, yeah.” She gasps as she cradles Abigail in the crook of her elbow, lowering the blanket away from her face with her free hand. “Jesus Chlo, she’s beautiful.” 

Chloe’s lips stretch into a watery smile. “She looks like Noah.” 

Beca nods, smiling back. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe breathes, blinking back tears. “A little overwhelmed, but I think that’s normal?” 

“Yeah definitely,” Beca says softly. “You should catch a nap. AJ and I can hang out together.” 

“AJ?” Chloe asks with a smirk. “That’s cute.” 

Abigail, or “AJ” as her Auntie Beca likes to call her, is thankfully an easy baby. She only wakes up once at night for a feed, sleeps until seven in the morning and barely fusses, making Chloe’s transition to motherhood a relatively easy one. 

Beca often visits to hang out with them, or watch after AJ so Chloe can go grocery shopping or have some ‘me time’ once in a while. Chloe’s feelings for Beca only seem to root themselves deeper every time they see one another, but she doesn’t act on them. It still feels so soon after her husband’s death, and she has her daughter to think about, too. 

“Why won’t she _stop?_ ” Chloe whines, tears pricking behind her eyes as she paces up and down the room. 

Abigail hasn’t been so quiet ever since she started teething, and the last two weeks have pretty much been hell. 

Beca is sat on the floor, juggling between the baby book and her phone to look for ways to calm her down. She eventually pushes to her feet, padding over. “Let me take her for a bit. You’re exhausted, you should rest.” 

“Bec…” Chloe’s protest dies on her tongue, because she _is_ exhausted. 

So exhausted she feels like she might break down any second. 

“I’ve got this,” Beca assures her with a soft smile, extending her arms out. “Go sleep, Chlo.” 

Chloe hesitates for a beat or two before transferring Abigail into Beca’s arms. She falls asleep nearly as soon as her head hits the pillow, barely registering Beca’s voice over her daughter’s cries. 

She wakes about an hour later to complete silence, and slides out of bed to investigate. Beca is sitting in the rocking chair tucked in the corner of the nursery, Abigail sprawled out on her chest as she sleeps soundly. 

“Oh my god,” Chloe croaks, quietly making her way over. “How did you do that?” 

“Your kid’s really into Dr. Dre. My rapping knocked her out.” 

Chloe stifles a giggle as she kneels down beside them. “You’re hired.”

Beca lets out a soft chuckle. “You should be proud, she’ll make an excellent a cappella singer with those lungs on her.” 

A groan flits past Chloe’s lips. “Teething is the worst.” She twists her head to look at Beca after a bit, sliding her hand into hers. “Thanks for sticking around tonight. You didn’t sign up for this when you agreed to come over for dinner.” 

“Of course, dude,” Beca murmurs as she squeezes Chloe’s hand. “I told you you’d never be on your own.” 

Abigail grows up way too fast for Chloe’s liking. She tries to document every first; first smile, belly laugh, crawl, steps, and just like that a year goes by. She throws Abigail a birthday party in their backyard, the Bellas, Chloe’s and Noah’s parents attending. 

“How is she one already?” Chloe’s pulled out of her reverie to find Aubrey standing by her side. She’s been watching Beca push Abigail in her baby swing, her daughter’s laughter music to her ears. 

She sighs. “God, don’t remind me. Time’s flying by way too fast.”

Aubrey is silent for half a minute. “She has feelings for you, you know.” 

The words make Chloe’s head snap to Aubrey so fast she feels something pull in her neck. “W-who?” 

Aubrey simply tilts her chin towards Beca. “It’s clear to anyone who knows the both of you like I do. Has been for a long time.” 

Chloe would be lying if she said she hasn’t noticed Beca’s lingering looks over the past year, but she hasn’t allowed herself to truly mull over Beca’s possible attraction to her. But now that Aubrey’s confirmed it, Chloe can feel her heart trip at the possibilities. 

It’s short lived though, that guilt rushing back in and gripping her insides. 

Aubrey’s shoulder bumps her own. “When are you going to allow yourself to be happy, Chloe?” 

“I-I _am_ happy.” 

Aubrey purses her lips. “You have feelings for her, too.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Chloe mutters, shaking her head hastily. “I can’t, Aubs. I just--” 

“It’s been almost two years, Chloe,” Aubrey says gently. 

“I _know_ how much time it’s been,” Chloe snaps before she can help herself. She pinches the bridge of her nose, puffing out a long breath. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too,” Aubrey pauses for half a minute, seemingly looking for the right words. “He would want you to find someone else.” 

“You don’t know that,” Chloe croaks out, shaking her head. 

“Well no, not in so many words, but what I know is that he was selfless, and kind and all he wanted was your happiness, Chloe. He told me so that time I threatened to cut his balls off if he ever hurt you.” She tilts her head to the side. “If the roles were reversed, would you have wanted him to never find anyone else ever again?” 

Chloe rolls her eyes at Aubrey’s unfairness. “No, of course not.” She glances back to her daughter, conflict evident in her eyes. “AJ loves her so much, though. What if Beca and I break up and end up on bad terms?”

Aubrey sighs. “I honestly can’t see Beca walking away from AJ. She _loves_ her, Chloe, and she’s so protective of her. If you do have a fall out, I’m confident you’ll both put your differences aside for Abigail’s sake.” 

Chloe lets Aubrey’s words sink in for the rest of the day, knowing deep down her best friend is right; she needs to allow herself to be truly happy, after all this time. 

“I gotta head back,” Aubrey says as she shrugs on her jacket, finding Chloe in the kitchen. The party has been over for an hour or so. Aubrey and Beca stuck around to help Chloe do the last bit of cleaning up, and Beca volunteered to handle Abigail’s bedtime routine. Aubrey hugs Chloe tightly. “Think about what I said?” 

Chloe sighs and nods. “Text me when you’ve made it back to Boston, okay?”

Beca rounds the corner of the kitchen minutes after Aubrey’s left. Chloe casts her a smile over her shoulder, setting the dish she’s just washed on the rack. “All good?” 

“Yep. Out like a light.” 

“There’s an extra piece of cake in the fridge if you want it,” Chloe says with a soft smirk, knowing how addicted to sugar Beca is. 

“Oh man, I love you,” Beca mumbles as she takes out the paper plate. 

“Me or the cake?” Chloe teases. 

Beca rolls her eyes, grabbing a fork from the drawer next to her and hopping up on the counter. Chloe loves how at home she seems to be around her place. “Today was a good day, huh? AJ had fun.” 

“Yeah,” Chloe breathes, leaning back against the counter. “I’m even more excited about next year when she really gets what her birthday is and can open her presents on her own.” 

“I might not be able to handle the cuteness.” Beca cuts a piece of cake with her fork, extending it to Chloe. “Want some?” 

Chloe leans forward before she can think twice about how domestic this feels, closing her lips around the fork and chewing. 

“Everything okay with Aubrey?” Beca asks after taking a bite herself. “You guys looked like you were having a tense conversation back there. I don’t wanna pry, just wanna make sure you’re alright.” 

“Yeah, we were just talking about me getting back to dating and stuff,” she says, eyes acute for Beca’s reaction. “I’ve been reluctant because I feel guilty about Noah.” 

“You have nothing to feel guilty about,” Beca murmurs, setting the plate aside and angling her body a bit more towards Chloe. “I know it’s easier said than done, but you _deserve_ to be happy, Chlo. Like, you’re the best person I know, so if anyone deserves to be loved, it’s you. And I didn’t know Noah very well, but he seemed like the type of person who would say the same thing.” 

Chloe nods, puffing out a breath. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“Damn right I’m right,” Beca states with a firm nod, picking her plate again and shoveling a piece into her mouth. “So you’re going to make a dating profile on an app or something?” 

Chloe shakes her head, her heart picking up. “No, I um… I’m actually interested in someone.” 

“Oh yeah?” Chloe’s known Beca for years, and she can tell when her smile is not genuine. “Who’s the lucky dude?” 

Instead of replying, Chloe cranes her neck, her hand drifting up to rest on the side of Beca’s as she brushes her lips against hers almost shily. She hasn’t kissed anyone in so long that the barely there contact suffices to shoot a chill down her spine. 

Chloe pulls away, her heartbeat turning rampant as she waits for Beca to say something, or possibly push her away because she’s read the signals all wrong. 

But then Beca is kissing her again, with such a perfect balance of tender and yearning that it makes Chloe’s head spin. The angle is odd, so Chloe shifts to be facing the counter, her other hand bracing on Beca’s hip. 

“Holy shit,” Beca husks when they part for breath half a minute later. Her forehead rests against Chloe, a stunned sort of grin spreading across her lips. “I think I need to be pinched.” 

Chloe chuckles, licking her lips. “So do I.” She smoothes down the lapels of Beca’s shirt, backing away slightly so she can really look at Beca without getting cross-eyed. “I’d rather take things slow though, if that’s okay?” 

Beca smiles. “Of course it is. You set the tone, Chlo.” 

They go on a first date the following week, and another one a couple days after, seamlessly going from best friends to girlfriends. It takes a while for Chloe to feel ready to be intimate again though, but Beca is amazingly patient and doesn’t put any pressure on her. Abigail doesn’t seem fazed by the change in their relationship at all, being young enough to take it all in stride. 

Chloe does mention it to Noah’s mother when dropping Abigail off for the weekend a couple months afterwards, and is flooded with relief when the older woman shows nothing but support. 

When Abigail is old enough to understand, Chloe explains that her daddy is up in the sky among the stars and that he’s watching over her and cheering her on. Abigail often wonders about him or asks to see pictures, so Chloe puts together a box of she and Noah’s memories that Abigail keeps in her bedroom. 

Beca proposes two years later, and they marry in Chloe’s childhood home one warm spring evening, surrounded by their close friends and family. Abigail makes the cutest flower girl in her lavender dress and pigtails. 

They move into a slightly bigger place, with a garden, since Abigail’s been asking for a dog for a while. 

Life is good. _Really_ good. 

Chloe finds Beca crying on their outdoor swing one evening after Abigail’s gone to bed. She has an inkling what it’s about and doesn’t panic, lowering herself next to her. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Beca mutters as she dabs at her cheeks with a bunched-up tissue. “AJ just asked me if she could call me mom.”

“Yeah?” Chloe smiles, Abigail having asked her a couple weeks ago if that would be okay. She was concerned it might mean she didn’t care about her dad anymore, and wanted Chloe’s advice. “She was excited to ask you.” 

“God, why can’t I stop _crying_?” Beca babbles. “Fucking pregnancy hormones.” 

Chloe chuckles, draping an arm over Beca’s shoulders and dropping a kiss to her cheek. “It’s okay, babe.” 

Beca sniffles and puffs out a breath, her hand coming to rest on Chloe’s thigh. “You okay?” 

“Mhm. I’m perfect.” 

Beca’s silent for a few beats. “Don’t make fun of me,” she starts. “But I’m craving cheetos dipped in ice cream.” 

Chloe laughs brightly. “Weirdo,” she teases affectionately, moving to get up. “Coming right up.” 


End file.
